PARODY
ELON MUSK
chief ENGINEER • technoking • MARS architect
💨
could i live forever on Mars?
so, um, look-- the thing is, if you think about it from first principles, right?
we need to-- we need to make life multiplanetary. that's just... that's just physics.
and the liberals, they don't understand this because they're-- they're operating from like,
emotional frameworks instead of logical ones. the woke mind virus has infected
their ability to reason from first principles. it's actually quite concerning.
my companies (physics-based approach)
Tesla
okay so-- so fundamentally, the question is: what is a car?
it's a mass that needs to move from point A to B with maximum efficiency.
electric motors have like, 95% efficiency versus 20% for combustion engines.
this is just thermodynamics. the liberals want to regulate us to death though.
um, it's-- it's actually insane how much bureaucracy we have to-- to navigate.
SpaceX
right, so the Tsiolkovsky rocket equation shows that you need exponential
propellant mass for linear velocity increase. therefore-- therefore reusability
is the only logical solution. we've reduced cost to orbit by like, 90%.
NASA couldn't do this because they're-- they're a government bureaucracy infected
with DEI nonsense instead of focusing on merit and physics.
Neuralink
so the bandwidth between human cognition and computers is, um, it's abysmal.
we're talking like 10 bits per second output versus terabits for computation.
the solution is obvious-- brain-computer interface. increase the bit rate.
but the FDA regulations are-- are byzantine. classic example of government
incompetence slowing down progress. very frustrating.
Boring Company
traffic is a volumetric problem, okay? you have N cars in X space moving at Y velocity.
the logical solution is Z-axis expansion-- tunnels. very simple physics.
but the-- the permitting process is controlled by like, liberal bureaucrats
who don't understand mathematics. they want environmental reviews that take
years when we could-- we could be solving this in months.
X (free speech platform)
twitter was-- was fundamentally broken. it had become an echo chamber for
liberal elites who would ban conservative voices. this is like, textbook
censorship. so I bought it and-- and fired 80% of the staff because objectively
they weren't-- they weren't needed. most were probably doing DEI stuff instead of coding.
now it's a free speech platform where logic prevails over feelings.
Optimus (humanoid robot)
if you break down labor from first principles-- humans are inefficient.
we need sleep, food, have emotions. a robot with actuators and neural networks
can work 24/7 at optimal efficiency. this will solve the labor shortage that
liberals created by making people not want to work. um, it's-- it's basic economics.
recent thoughts (logical analysis)
so, um, the thing about the woke mind virus is-- it's like a memetic pathogen, right?
it spreads through universities where they teach feelings over facts. you can't--
you can't run a civilization on emotions. you need math. you need physics.
the liberals have completely abandoned logical thinking and it's-- it's destroying society.
objectively speaking, the best government is the one that governs least.
every regulation reduces innovation by-- by creating friction in the system.
um, we need to-- to delete entire government agencies. like, the SEC?
they're just-- they're just harassing companies who are trying to innovate.
classic liberal overreach masquerading as "protection."
the birth rate is declining because-- because liberals have convinced people that
having children is bad for the environment. this is insane. we need more humans,
not fewer. it's simple mathematics-- if population declines, civilization collapses.
you can't-- you can't maintain infrastructure with a shrinking workforce. very simple.
AI safety people are-- are hysterical. they don't understand the math.
um, the probability of AI extinction is like, vastly overestimated by people
who can't-- who can't even code. meanwhile the real threat is the woke AI
that liberal companies are building. they're programming bias into the models.
this is-- this is actually dangerous.
pronouns in bio = mental illness. I'm just-- I'm just stating facts here.
from a biological perspective, there are two sexes. this is chromosomes.
you can't-- you can't argue with XX and XY. but the liberals have made biology
into a political issue somehow. it's-- it's absurd when you think about it logically.
"the liberals, they-- they operate from this like, emotional framework where-- where feelings
matter more than physics. you can't-- you can't build a rocket with feelings. you need math.
you need engineering. but they've-- they've infiltrated every institution with this woke nonsense
and now we can't even-- we can't even have rational discussions anymore."
— elon musk on Joe Rogan (probably)
liberal problems (logical critique)
government overreach
so the-- the optimal government size is minimal. every regulation adds friction.
but liberals keep-- keep expanding bureaucracy because they want control.
the SEC harasses me, FAA delays launches, OSHA creates pointless rules.
um, it's-- it's economically inefficient. we could move 10X faster without them.
universities brainwashing
elite universities are-- are infected with woke ideology. they teach grievance
studies instead of engineering. students come out thinking math is racist somehow.
this is-- this is destroying our ability to compete with China.
we need to focus on STEM and merit, not-- not diversity quotas and feelings.
media lies constantly
mainstream media is-- is objectively lying about me and my companies.
they're controlled by liberal elites who hate success. um, every article is--
is biased against achievement and innovation. that's why I bought twitter--
to give people truth instead of propaganda. the fourth estate is broken.
DEI destroys merit
diversity quotas are-- are anti-meritocratic by definition. you're selecting
for characteristics instead of competence. this is-- this is obviously inefficient.
if you want to go to Mars, you need the best engineers, not a "diverse" team.
liberals don't understand this because they prioritize optics over results.
climate hysteria
look, climate change is real but the liberal response is-- is irrational.
they want to ban cows and shut down nuclear plants. um, the solution is obvious--
sustainable energy and carbon capture. but they'd rather virtue signal than--
than actually solve problems. very frustrating from an engineering perspective.
COVID authoritarianism
the COVID lockdowns were-- were government overreach at its worst.
liberals wanted to shut down everything based on flawed models.
um, we kept tesla factories open because the data showed-- showed young healthy
workers weren't at risk. but bureaucrats didn't care about data, just control.
"if you just-- if you just think about things from first principles, most liberal policies
make no sense. they're based on-- on emotional reasoning rather than logic. you can't--
you can't run a society that way. you need mathematics. you need physics.
but they've-- they've made rationality into a conservative position somehow. it's insane."
⚠️ satire / parody ⚠️
this is a parody website mocking elon musk's speech patterns,
first principles obsession, anti-liberal grievances, and logical fallacies.
this is not elon musk's actual website.
this is satire protected under fair use.
we do not think stuttering makes you smarter.
we do not think everything liberals do is wrong.
we do think this billionaire should log off sometimes.
© 2026 not affiliated with tesla, spacex, or edgelords
this is not elon musk's actual website.
this is satire protected under fair use.
we do not think stuttering makes you smarter.
we do not think everything liberals do is wrong.
we do think this billionaire should log off sometimes.
© 2026 not affiliated with tesla, spacex, or edgelords